holiday monday

Feeling better, thanks!

That feeling of unease and panic I've been having just stopped last night. Weirdest thing. Then I heard that my Dad was back in the hospital. This is the third time I've felt really weird and bad and then my dad was hospitalized. I wonder if there is some kind of psychic bond between us and our family members. My mother was unsurprised when I told her about it and told me to let her know as soon as I start feeling this way next time, so she'll get dad medical attention sooner!

This weekend has been fairly quiet. The girl's friends all seem to be at a basketball tournament that the girl is not in, so she's been home bingeing on Doraemon and such, and we're not giving her too hard of a time for it because she's bored and we're tired and everyone needs to be left alone to figure their own things out. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, the kids will be fine. Actually they are very fine. There is the usual sibling bickering and such, but the big freakouts are getting farther apart and the girl is calming herself faster. We stay open to her, but I'm keeping a healthy distance when things get too weird because unlike the husband, who lets things bounce off, I absorb everything. But it's getting easier.

The girl eats constantly. I think it's age, but also self-comforting. She's active and slender and not sick, so we've talked about it and decided to just start substituting more healthy snacks for the cookies and such, and wait to see if she stops eating so much once she's calmed down more. We're still in the early days, we have to remind ourselves - the first six months are the biggest part of the test and we're almost at the end of month 4. The boy ate a lot, too, when he first came, and when he started refusing to eat sometimes, we realized he was feeling more at home.

Girl took me by the hand last night and led me into her room and told me to wait for her before going downstairs for her shower. I give her little pats on the back once in a while, but never for too long. I made her smile at lunchtime by saying, "Here you go, princess" (in Japanese) as I handed her lunch.

I thought all the door slamming and sour faces were being directed at me, but they really weren't. The boy is also rough and slams doors and stomps around -- I suspect it's the result of noisy institutionalized life. I realized by seeing what the girl was doing and not what she was looking like, I could understand her better. Like both kids, I'm also over-reactive and expect the worst -- the husband has bitchy resting face and that's hard for all of us! He's constantly bewildered by our accusations that he's mad at us!

Love to all,
M