Well, it's amazing how far we've come with our girl and I'm preferring to be with the kids rather than away from them now. The girl has been awesome -- she's helping with chores, she's cooking, cleaning the cat box, washing dishes, and being fun to be with. There's little fighting these days, except when my husband nags her about homework, etc. She doesn't fight with my boy, unless he provokes it, which he does, but that's little brothers for you.
So, that's why I haven't written for so long. Things have calmed down to such a degree that the need to get my feelings out has mostly gone. I'm sure this situation will change when adolescence sets in full swing. My boy already alternates between calling me "okaasan" and by my first name -- pretty much 50-50 now. But that's okay.
So, we got through the worst of the testing period. There will be more, but now there is an undercurrent of love and appreciation among us, so that will keep us from losing it completely, I hope!
Thanks for all your support and love through this difficult period in our lives. We lived through it to tell the tale and are stronger for it. My advocacy for adoption and fostering in Japan continues!