Sunday, April 3, 2016

moving along

Days to move in the new hours t-13

Last night the kids were acting as if they were true siblings, which made me smile, although they the boy was being deliberately annoying to the girl -- she was responding, in true girl fashion, by being very sharp and snippy with him. Glad to see that their relationship, at least, is coming along.

Actually, she said something snippy to the hub about me, and I was surprised, but took it as a joke. I had asked him to pass me a book and she muttered under her breath in Japanese, "Get it yourself." I didn't hear it, but the hub told me. I acted fake shocked. It won't be long before I get it full in the face from her -- she's been reining it in, I imagine! The other two have been getting it from her, so I'm the last one standing.

I feel two ways about it -- I'll be glad when she starts acting as she really feels, but I'm afraid of how I will react to her anger. I remember what it feels like to be an adolescent (truly, truly awful) and how I took out my crazy hormonal frustration and deep insecurity on my family -- particularly my sister and mother. I think one reason I didn't want to have kids for so long was that I thought I could never withstand the full force of that kind of hate. I'm afraid it's coming my way and I hope I have the resources to deal with it. Sometimes when the boy is whiny, instead of being the adult, I whine back at him or laugh to diffuse the situation -- which it doesn't really.

Anyway, I have to keep reminding myself that it's not personal -- that all kids go through this and that they need a place and people to vent at and family is convenient for that. But, oh, I hope I can get through it without a full breakdown! Hope I can be the adult!

No comments:

Post a Comment