So, tonight when I came home, the boy was having a total meltdown. I couldn't go near him. Apparently, when he came home, the hub told him to clean up his desk and that set him off screaming and crying.
After some yelling, the hub left for a run. The boy came into the dining room, took out a tube with some certificates he'd gotten, banged the tube, pulled out the certificates, and began tearing them up. I was making dinner, but stopped when I realized how upset he was. I sat down next to him and did nothing while he ripped up the papers. At one point, when he'd stopped crying, I said, "That's a good way to get out your stress." He surprised me by saying, "I didn't want to do that, but I couldn't stop myself."
He began asking every five minutes when hub would get home. I had no idea, so I said that he was probably having a long run because he was also angry. The boy phoned him, and I was worried that he'd start whining into the phone and the whole thing would start off. To my surprise again, he said, "Dad? I'm sorry." This was the first time I'd ever heard him apologize for his behaviour. I was so proud of him and I told him so.
This whole scene was a good catalyst though. I realized while I was sitting with the boy watching him tear his certificates to bits that our lives had really changed, although I was trying to act like it hadn't. He is stressing out over having to share our attention with the girl and we both need to be around. I apologized to hub for escaping to my office rather than being home to help out with the kids. I will have a big talk with the girl tomorrow, too. I've been watching her and not really communicating. I need to tell her how we want her to be happy, but that it's going to take time for everyone to get used to the new situation. I want her to know that things are going to get better.